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Asta Twelvetrees is a character in the science fiction comedy television series Resident Alien. She is portrayed by Sara Tomko.

Character overview[]

She considers herself an outsider in the town of Patience and recognizes the same sort of thing in Harry Vanderspeigle. She tells him that sometimes just feeling human is alien to her. She tries to look out for the youth of Patience, keeping them away from the town's "underbelly." She left her husband Jimmy due to his abusiveness at the same time that Vanderspeigle's spaceship was crashing on Earth and ended up meeting him approximately four months later, on the day he first ventured into Patience's downtown.

Twelvetrees worked as a nurse under Dr. Sam Hodges and had a very close friendship with him. Following his death, she continues to work as a nurse under the alien that has assumed the identity of Harry Vanderspeigle. Hodges's ex-wife, Rosy, was like a mother to her prior to Hodges's divorcing her.

Approximately 17 years ago, Asta Twelvetrees had a daughter named Jay, which she gave up for adoption. Jay works at the Patience Health Clinic as an intern and Twelvetrees continues to watch over her, despite not having officially acknowledged her as her daughter until finally being outed unwittingly by Vanderspeigle. She, however, eventually discovers the truth and leaves the clinic, not sure how to react to the fact that she has been unwittingly working for her mother.

Appearance[]

Asta is an average height, at least 1/2 Native American, black hair woman. Like D'Arcy, she appears to be somewhere around 30-35.

Plot summary[]

Outsiders together[]

Asta Twelvetrees meets Harry Vanderspeigle when he is summoned to the town of Patience to investigate the death of Sam Hodges, the town's doctor. She is aggravated when Vanderspeigle does only a cursory inspection and declares Hodges's death to have been a suicide, demanding that he do a full autopsy. He finally agrees to do it with the help of some pleading from Mayor Ben Hawthorne. Back in the lab, he argues with Twelvetrees, insisting that there are multiple cuts on the victim's neck which are consistent with him having held the knife himself. Twelvetrees points out that Hodges was a doctor and if he really wanted to kill himself, he would have stabbed his carotid artery. Vanderspeigle is forced to admit that she has a point and the two complete the autopsy. During the whole process, Twelvetrees is bothered by Vanderspeigle's bizarre behavior, which includes comparing her intelligence to that of a lizard and later a panda. Despite this, something about him seems to intrigue her and she invites him to come to the local pub, The 59, across the street in order to get a drink.

Vanderspeigle accepts the invitation and at the pub, Asta makes small-talk with him. As the conversation continues, she comments that he's supposed to ask her about her childhood. He asks her why he would do that, saying that he doesn't care. She tells him that isn't the point, and tells him that she left town when she was 16 and married a biker in Denver named Jimmy, but split with him approximately four months previously. She admits that she's buying him dinner because he has a pick-up truck and she's hoping that he could take her the next day to get the rest of her things that she left behind. She introduces him to the bartender, D'Arcy Bloom, and they all share a toast.

The next day, Twelvetrees meets Vanderspeigle at the clinic and introduces him to Jay, a 17-year-old intern at the clinic. When he mistakes a birthmark on her neck for a fly, she calls him a "douchebag." As he and Twelvetrees travel to her old place to pick her stuff, she apologizes for Jay's behavior, explaining that she's having a hard time with Hodges's murder. She continues that helping out in the clinic helps to keep her off the street and that Patience might look like a slice of Americana, but actually has an underbelly. They arrive at Twelvetrees's old place and claim her stuff, but end up being confronted by Jimmy, who thinks that Vanderspeigle is Twelvetrees's "new man." He tells Vanderspeigle to take his truck and head home, saying that he and Twelvetrees have some catching up to do. Vanderspeigle is reluctant, but eventually leaves at Twelvetrees's insistence that she'll be alright.

After he is gone, Jimmy shouts at Twelvetrees, saying that she's embarrassing him and when she tries to leave, he starts getting physical. Just then, in a display of seemingly inhuman strength, Vanderspeigle reaches through the wall, grabs Jimmy, pulls him out of the house, and throttles him within an inch of his life, only stopping because of Twelvetrees shouting that it's not worth it to kill him. When she asks how he managed it, he sheepishly replies "yoga." He asks why she came there in the first place and she says that she's always been an outsider, that she feels that he's the same. He asks why she married Jimmy and she explains that when she was sixteen, she got pregnant with his child. He convinced her that they were too young to raise the child, so she gave it up for adoption, but she stayed with him because she felt like if she left, it would mean she had given up the baby for nothing. One day, four months ago, however, she finally had enough.

The next day, the two attend Sam Hodges's funeral. Twelvetrees is shocked when Vanderspeigle breaks away from her in the middle of the eulogy and approaches the casket. To everyone's shock, he opens it and Twelvetrees makes an excuse for him, saying he really misses him. He sniffs the air and Twelvetrees finally manages to drag him away. He tells her that he knows how Hodges died - that he had tried to give himself a tracheotomy. His windpipe had closed up and he needed air because somebody had poisoned him. Somebody there at the funeral was the murderer.

Due to the dead[]

As Vanderspeigle begins his first day at work as the new town doctor, Twelvetrees tries to get him to clean up the clinic, only for him to react to her instruction of "Don't just stand there," by simply leaving the room. She is forced to put out fires throughout his first day as he suggests one patient's bad breath might be due to eating a dead rodent and tells a child that he needs be more careful because his parents don't have insurance, so if he gets hurt again, they'll lose their home and have to live out on the street. Things finally, mercifully come to an end and that evening as they are having a nightcap, she introduces him to her father, Dan. Dan comments that he has a bad feeling, that there's something wrong with Vanderspeigle. When she replies that he has a bad feeling about any man within ten feet of her, he counters that when he looks at Vanderspeigle, he feels nothing at all.

The next day at the clinic, she introduces Vanderspeigle to her cousin Kayla and Kayla's young son, Sage. She also asks Jay to apologize for calling Vanderspeigle a "douchebag" and she does, only for Vanderspeigle to apologize in turn for her birthmark looking like a fly. At this, Jay again calls him a "douchebag," leading Twevletrees to quip "Glad we cleared that up." She then tells Vanderspeigle that the nurse's office is his temporary office, that she doesn't want anyone going into Hodges's office for the time being. He asks about how she's handling Hodges's death and she admits that as a youth she didn't have anyone whom she could talk when she was sad because she moved out of her father's home. She says that she moved back because she missed home, but when she tries to ask Vanderspeigle about his own past, he dodges the topic, claiming to be hungry.

The day after, Vanderspeigle is busy conducting a therapy session with Mayor Hawthorne when Sam Hodges's widow, Abigail, bursts into his office. Twelvetrees tells her that she can't be there, that it's a crime scene, but she insists that she's there collect Sam Hodges's stuff, as it all belongs to her now. Irritated, Twelvetrees heads outside and confronts Sheriff Thompson, asking where he's at in the investigation. When he tries to tell her that it's none of her business, she tells him that Mrs. Hodges is inside taking Sam's stuff out of the office and that it could be evidence, that she could be the killer. Deputy Liv Baker tells her that they already established an alibi for Abigail, but they continue to argue and Vanderspeigle, watching them, reflects that she's masking sadness as anger.

During a session the next day, Twelvetrees is with Vanderspeigle as he consults with an elderly patient, who comments that while he liked Sam Hodges, Hodges was always telling him not to eat certain things. Vanderspeigle commented that he didn't agree with this, that there were ten things that were more likely to kill the man than bad food. The patient asked him to give it to him straight how long he had, and he told him that if he liked Christmas he should celebrate it before June, but between now and then, he could eat anything he wanted. The patient said that he liked him, that he was the first doctor that was ever totally honest with him. Twelvetrees then commented on his "particular style," saying it was impressive as that patient didn't like anyone. That evening, Twelvetrees was with her father Dan, who told her that he knew she and Hodges had been closed and that there were certain of their Native American traditions she could follow to honor the deceased, such as cutting her hair. She told him that she could handle it and that it was about time he started letting her live her own life. She asked if he was really going to start being her father again now that was living at home and he told her that she had never stopped being his daughter. He told her that she needed to burn her scrubs or else Hodges's spirit would linger. In the end, she relented and let him cut her hair.

Back at the office, she had a flashback to a happy moment with Hodges. She admitted to Vanderspeigle that Dan wasn't her real father, that her mother left when she was one and he took her in and raised her. She tells him that Hodges was the only one she could talk to about all of this, saying that she never should have left him the night he died, but she was tired. The two agree to play a card game together and Vanderspeigle says that he'll put his stuff in his office, but she tells him that Hodge's office is his office now. As the two connected, Vanderspeigle reflecting on feeling her emotions, that he should not have been able to feel an emotion that was not his own, but that being inside a human body had changed him.

A connection[]

Twelvetrees talks with another nurse at the clinic, Ellen, who incorrectly pronounces her name as "Ass-ta" rather than the correct pronunciation of "Ah-sta." Called out on it, she says that it must be the Canadian in her, and then tells her that Vanderspeigle needs some prescription pads, but that she can't find any. When Twelvetrees asks where she's looked, she admits that she hasn't yet, asking her to do it. Twelvetrees does so and discovers Vanderspeigle staring at a sleeping Jay. When she asks what he's doing, he tells her that he can't sleep at night and wants to learn how. She tells him to knock it off, that it's creepy, and wakes Jay, asking her if she's seen one of Hodges's prescription pads, that there's one missing. Jay replies that she only works there for school credit and that she barely even knows where the tongue depressors are. She asks Vanderspeigle why he can't sleep and then if he meditates. He claims that he does and likes it very much.

Patience is rocked by the news that a severed foot was discovered in the lake, resulting in Sheriff Mike Thompson suggesting that they might have a serial killer. He declares a search of the lake to try to find the rest of the body. Later, Twelvetrees is moping when she is approached by D'Arcy Bloom, who tells her that she needs to get her mind off of Sam Hodges's death. She tells her that she needs to come out with her, but Twelvetrees is bemused when she takes her out to the lake to watch the search for the body. She tells her that she thought she meant "dinner and a movie" when she said that they were going to have some fun. In response, Bloom comments that they have their very own live show, with the finale, fingers crossed, being a bloated, dead corpse. She admits also that she was dating a guy who ghosted her and she's hoping maybe the corpse is his so she can get some closure. She suggests that they attend a party being held later by an old friend named JT and the talk turns to old times and how they both got out of Patience for a time and chased their dreams, only to come right back.

The two eventually get bored of watching and pay a visit to Harry Vanderspeigle's cabin for a pit stop. There, they come upon the Harry Vanderspeigle alien, who is in the middle of trying to hide the body of the true Harry Vanderspeigle, who had washed up on shore and whose foot was actually the one that was discovered. He manages to play things off as simply standing around the cabin not doing anything and they use his bathroom, Bloom checking out his medicine cabinet and seeing vitamins arranged in alphabetical order, which weirdly turns her on. They then tell him that they're going to JT's party, but tell him that he's not invited because it's a girls' night out thing.

They arrive at the party, where they are shocked to be called "cougars" and "MILFs" by the attendees, before realizing that they were mistaken and that it's actually a high school party being hosted by JT's son, who also happens to be named JT. While there, they discover some pills being passed around and Twelvetrees realizes that they had been prescribed using Hodges's stolen prescription pad. She confiscates them, telling the kid who had given them to her that if he has a problem with it, she'll call the cops. She and Bloom then make their way to exit, only to discover Jay passed out. They take her back home, telling her that she is too young to realize just how sorry the party really was. Twelvetrees then gives her some cedar to burn, telling her that she knows she's going through hard time and that if she pulls the smoke around her, it will help, that it was something her dad taught her. Jay thinks it weird, but agrees to gave it a try anyway. As they drive away, Twelvetrees sobs, recalling the day that she gave Jay up for adoption. She returns home, where she is surprised to find her father awake. He gives her breakfast, her favorite of scrambled eggs, and she tells him that the child she had given up for adoption was a girl. She says that she thought the girl would be better off without her, but she's wondering now if that's not true, if maybe she belonged with her. He tells her that she is a mother to the child, a bond that can never be broken, and that she will be able to sense her no matter where she is. He tells her that one day the connection will bring them back together. That afternoon, at the clinic, she puts a padlock on the drawer where Hodges kept his prescription pads. Vanderspeigle comments that he also has some things he needs to lock away and she asks who he even is. "Just a guy," he replies.

The child revealed[]

When Vanderspeigle is invited to dinner with the Hawthorne family, he asks Twelvetrees to come along. She refuses, having another commitment, but gets D'Arcy Bloom to go along in her place. The two discuss the prescription pad stolen from Sam Hodges's office and Twlevetrees that Jay might have stolen it, ticking off Jay. Vanderspeigle asks why she would ask such a thing and Jay thinks he's backing her up, only for him to say that she of course did, that statistically she was the one most likely to. At this, Jay runs out of the room, irked. The next afternoon, Vanderspeigle is on call when Twelvetrees learns that her grandmother's back is hurting again and she needs a steroid shot. In the past, this would have been administered by Sam Hodges, so she asks Vanderspeigle to come with her to the Ute Reservation and for Dan to come with them. Neither Vanderspeigle nor Dan wanted to, but she overruled them both, saying that she didn't want grown men to act like children. Thus, the group all shared a tense trip to the reservation.

Once there, Vanderspeigle administered the shot, bonding with Twelvetrees's grandmother over some shared abuse of Dan. The grandmother then expressed to the young Twelvetrees that it was about time she had a child. Hearing this, Vanderspeigle commented that she already did, that Twelvetrees and Jay both shared the same facial structure and both ate like they were starving to death. Shocked out being outed in this manner, Twelvetrees leaves, leading Vanderspeigle to comment that they both run out of rooms in the same way also. Her friend Kayla tracks her down, and Twelvetrees asks her just how badly she messed up. Kayla points out that she gave up her only child only to stalk her until she was old enough to work and that her child's grandfather has been serving her pancakes without knowing the truth. Nevertheless, she says that she admires Twelvetrees for putting her child's needs ahead of her own. Afterwards, she talks with Dan, who wants to know how she could have done what she did. She retorts that he wanted her gone the second he knew she was pregnant, but he tells her that she was the one who ran out and everyone there would have supported her. She replies that he already raised one child that wasn't his own and she couldn't make another child his burden. She asks if they're going to be okay and he tells her that even when they're not okay, they're still okay.

That evening, Twelvetrees finds Vanderspeigle lying in a field, exhausted after trying to play basketball. He apologizes for revealing her secret, but she brushes him off, telling him that he actually did everyone a favor. When he tells her that he misses home, she asks if he has family there. He tells her that he had a wife, but he died, so he moved far away, taking a new job that brought him there. They then return to Patience, jamming to the Native American song "Bougee Natives" on the radio.

Everyone's dead[]

The next day, Twelvetrees is working at the clinic when she spots Abigail Hodges leaving Vanderspeigle's office. She asks him what she wanted and he comments that she's "pro-murder," referring to the fact that she was hoping to get records back proving that her husband's death was murder because the insurance won't pay out if it was a suicide. The conversation turns to Jay and he tells her that she should just tell her that she's her daughter, but Twelvetrees replies that Jay needs to learn the truth on her own terms when she's ready and shouldn't be there at the clinic anymore either. He suggests that she fire her, but she replies that she could never do this, so he says that he'll fire her instead. Just then, a woman, Isabelle, enters the office and Twelvetrees tells Vanderspeigle to tell his girlfriend that she can't just come barging in. The woman shouts that she's not Vanderspeigle's girlfriend but rather his wife, as she is in fact, the wife of the late human Harry Vanderspeigle that the alien Vanderspeigle killed. Stunned, Twelvetrees says that Vanderspeigle had told her she was dead, leading to fly into a rage, throwing papers and cardboard boxes at Vanderspeigle and shouting "I guess we're all dead!"

Later, Twelvetrees tries to work up the nerve to fire Jay, only for Jay to discover a file among the papers that Isabelle threw about. The paper reveals that Twelvetrees birthed a child on the same day as Jay's birthday. Jay is stunned, and even more so to learn that Jimmy is the father. She leaves, shocked, and outside Twelvetrees and Vanderspeigle commiserate over their shared lies. Twelvetrees asks why it is that people lie about things like this and Vanderspeigle says that it's perhaps that humans lie because they don't want people to know who they really are. Just then, Jimmy arrives, having been called by Twelvetrees. She reveals to him that Jay found out the truth, saying that she wanted him to hear it from her first and that he's the last thing that Jay needs in her life. He turns it back on her, though, saying that it's her behavior that's not normal, having allowed Jay to get so close to her at the clinic without telling her the truth.

Suspicions[]

Jay quits working as an intern at the clinic, something which Twelvetrees explains to Vanderspeigle when he suggests that she might fix a problem he's having with the office coffee-maker. A new doctor, Ethan Stone, then arrives at the clinic as a more permanent replacement for Dr. Hodges. In the kerfuffle that results from his arrival, Vanderspeigle reveals the theft of the prescription pad to Sheriff Thompson and Deputy Baker, something that Twelvetrees had been keeping from him. The two then confront her, Thompson telling her that she's not the only person who loved Sam Hodges and she needs to share any information she might have been keeping from them. She explains to them that she didn't know that the pad was stolen at first, that Hodges was diabetic and she thought he might have simply used it to write a prescription for his insulin. She then shows them the pills that she discovered at the high school party and suggests that they talk to the kid who was giving them out. She sees Vanderspeigle leaving and asks him if he was really going to leave without saying goodbye to her. He tells her awkwardly that he didn't want to say goodbye and they both call each other weirdos before Isabelle shows up, seeing them hugging. Twelvetrees explains that they were only saying goodbye, leaving Vanderspeigle to his "wife."

Later, Twelvetrees joins D'Arcy Bloom and Judy in a gathering at The 59 with Liv Baker to celebrate Baker's recent success in coming through with a breakthrough on the Sam Hodges case. While there, the group observes Twelvetrees's ex, Jimmy, with a new girl named Becky. Twelvetrees tries to play it off, but the others suggest that she might be some sort of Russian mail-order bride. Baker then grills Twelvetrees, asking her why she left Jay's name off the list of suspects. Twelvetrees, not wanting to reveal that Jay is her daughter, simply apologizes and says that Jay is a good kid. Baker, however, tells her that it looks suspicious and says that they're going to have to bring Jay in for questioning. She says that there weren't many people who had access to Hodges's office and that whoever stole the prescription pads is someone Twelvetrees cares about. Considering the matter, Twelvetrees comes to a realization. She goes over and confronts Jimmy, pointing out that he would sometimes play gin rummy with Hodges in his office. She suggests that Hodges might have left a pad lying his desk, which Jimmy took while he was away at the bathroom. Jimmy tries to play it off as untrue, but Twelvetrees, seeing the look on his face, realizes that he is lying. As Jimmy and Becky make to leave, Twelvetrees warns Becky that he will abuse her and that isn't okay.

The snow bridge[]

While working at the clinic, Twelvetrees discovers Vanderspeigle's diagnosis of teraphobia, or the fear of monsters, for the boy Max Hawthorne and his suggestion that Max be sent away to a special school in Georgia. She asks Dr. Stone about it, saying that she's never noticed such behavior in Max before and wondering if it's extreme to send him away. He replies that his own parents sent him away to a special school to play lacrosse and he turned out fine, which she finds of no help whatsoever. Later, she plays pool with D'Arcy Bloom. The two discuss her theory regarding Jimmy stealing the prescription pad and Bloom tells her that she should have simply told Sheriff Thompson about it, but Twelvetrees replies that she didn't want to accuse him without proof. Bloom then gets a call from Judy, who reports that Vanderspeigle is at the bowling alley and won't leave for the night. They come over and find a very depressed Vanderspeigle playing arcade games.

They discover that Vanderspeigle is depressed at having lost his job as a doctor, as well as Isabelle leaving him. They ask if there's anything they can do and he replies that he's already tried booze and pills but they didn't help. "Jesus, Harry, you're a doctor!" Twelvetrees replies, telling him that he ought to know he can't simply use booze and pills to feel better. "Judy, get the pot!" Bloom then shouts. The group then proceeds to get totally wasted on the pot before retiring to a Chinese diner for noodles. While there, Vanderspeigle has a telepathic conversation with an octopus, leading Twelvetrees and Bloom to reflect that he's never been high before. They then start their own pretend conversation with an eel in the tank next to the octopus, Bloom commenting "This is Asta. She's single and she likes to read very terrible beach books." Following this, Twelvetrees finally steels her nerve and reports to the sheriff's office, telling Thompson and Baker that she believes Jimmy stole the pad.

Later, Twelvetrees and Bloom are out walking and talking. Bloom tells Twelvetrees that she was right to tell about Jimmy. Twelvetrees agrees, but says that it doesn't feel good. Bloom counters that the drugs were being sold to high school students. As they continue to talk, they spot Max Hawthorne shouting after Vanderspeigle, telling him "Don't go, it's too dangerous." They catch up to him and demand to know where Vanderspeigle was going and what he's doing. Although Max refuses to explain exactly what the two of them were doing together, he does reveal that Vanderspeigle is headed to the glacier. The two then board snowmobiles and follow Vanderspeigle, catching him up just as he discovers his device that he's been searching for. They warn him not to move, that he could be standing on a snow bridge, but then a crevasse opens, swallowing them all up.

The alien[]

The group comes to, having fallen some distance, still alive, but in a very precarious situation. Vanderspeigle, whose leg was trapped, blames the two women for causing their predicament. Bloom suggests leaving them, but nevertheless tries to get back to her snowmobile. This, however, ultimately results in an even worse catastrophe, as the snowmobile slips, leaving her in hanging in midair and causing Twelvetrees and Vanderspeigle to fall even further below.

Twelvetrees and Vanderspeigle wake once more and Twelvetrees is largely unharmed, but it quickly becomes clear that Vanderspeigle is badly injured. Twelvetrees then spots something truly bizarre - glowing blue blood and strange alien features on Vanderspeigle's face. He tries to play it off as being "Colorado fever." Twelvetrees, however, easily calls his bluff, at which points he reveals the truth to her, that he is what her people call an "extraterrestrial." Though disturbed, Twelvetrees comes to the conclusion that it makes a strange sort of sense, as it explains a lot about Vanderspeigle's strange behavior since she met him.

Vanderspeigle explains that he normally conceals his true form using molecular reconstruction, but his injury has left him without energy to apply it properly. Furthermore, unless they are rescued, he will continue to appear more alien. She assists him in stopping the bleeding. He shares a series of confidences with her, including the fact that the boy Max Hawthorne can see his true form, that he is actually genderless in his alien form and had a partner and 342 back home, and even his true name, which is a series of noises that Twelvetrees doesn't even try to reproduce. When she asks him why he is on Earth, he claims that he is simply there to monitor humans and that his device is a "radio" that he needs to get back in order to call his people. She tells him that some of the native tribes talk about connections to people from the stars. He tells her that his people have been coming for thousands of years and helping, but recently things have changed and people have become distrustful.

Bloom manages to escape the crevasse and gain control of the other snowmobile, mounting a rescue. Vanderspeigle worries that she will discover his true form, but Twelvetrees promises that it will be okay. She disguises him by dressing him up in a very heavy parka, keeping him completely shielded from Bloom's view. She tells Bloom that he is badly injured and to drive them to the clinic. When they get there, she sends Bloom inside in order to get help. However, while Bloom is inside summoning the nurse Ellen, Twelvetrees drives away, instead taking Vanderspeigle to her father Dan's restaurant, Joe's Diner, where she hides Vanderspeigle in the freezer, as the cold helps to keep him from getting any worse. Dan is not happy to discover the alien in his freezer, but Asta explains that the alien is someone they know and she's trying to help him. Dan reluctantly runs interference, meeting up with Sheriff Mike Thompson and getting him to call off the search. Meanwhile, Asta asks Vanderspeigle what she can do for him, but he tells her that it is pointless without his "radio," that she should just let him die. She reveals that she was able to find it and, with this, he tells her that she must cut off his injured leg, that it is poisoning him and he will die if she doesn't. Asta is troubled by this, but nevertheless tells Dan to give her the meat cleaver. When, however, she tries to actually perform the deed, she finds that she can't do it. "I can," Dan tells her and she hands the cleaver to him. As he raises it, Vanderspeigle tells her that he's scared, so she holds his hand. Dan then lowers the cleaver, chopping off the injured leg.

Alien convention[]

Twelvetrees spends much of the evening caring for Vanderspeigle, who had fallen unconscious. When he wakes the next morning in his cabin, she explains this to him. He tells her that she can go and she is astonished at his seeming lack of gratitude. She tells him that she had looked into getting him a prosthetic and is shocked when he pulls up his pants leg to reveal a small tentacle, explaining that his people were descended from octopuses and therefore have the ability to regenerate a lost limb. He tells her that after a while, it will be as good as new, and he will be able to again make it look human. He sees his "radio" sitting on a shelf and reaches for it, but Twelvetrees pulls it away, demanding that he at least attempt to show some sort of gratitude before she will hand it back over to him. After he finally does, she gives it to him. She tells him that she is going into work and warns him to stay put and rest.

Twelvetrees returns following her shift at work, annoyed to see Vanderspeigle outside and trying to get into his truck. He shows her that her leg is good as new, but she reminds him that even as a fake doctor, he ought to know that the drugs are still in his system and he isn't a condition to drive anywhere. This quickly becomes clear when he stumbles towards her vehicle and asks which one is his. She then grabs his keys, saying that she'll drive and asking where he's going.

The two arrive in New Mexico at an alien convention. There, Twelvetrees expresses that it's kind of cool for her to be there with an actual alien, that it makes her feel special. He replies that she is common and she calls it oddly less offensive, knowing that he's from outer space. "What now?" she asks and the two hit up a number of panels, in which Vanderspeigle expresses appreciation at a panelist who gives credit to ancient aliens for helping with the construction of monuments, tells Twelvetrees that the astronauts did land on the moon and were taken over by aliens, and provides his own wry commentary at a panel regarding various alien species. They finally arrive at an alien experiencer panel, hosted by a man named Peter Bach, which seems to be just what Vanderspeigle wants. She asks him what they're doing there, and he tells her that he'll know it when he sees it.

The two listen in a number of stories from people who have supposedly seen or been abducted by aliens, but Vanderspeigle seems dubious when it comes to most of their tales. He is then startled to find the seat next to him empty. Twelvetrees is up front, presenting her story. She tells the group that while they've had been experiences, hers is different. Several months before, when leaving her husband, she saw a flash of light in the sky. It gave her strength to never look back and months later, she met the occupant of the UFO. She tells the group that the alien made her feel safe and not alone and that she thinks that some of them are there to do good. "Nope," thinks Vanderspeigle to himself.

As the panel ends, Vanderspeigle hears a story that sparks his interest, a woman who speaks of having been abducted by aliens and had a tracking device implanted in her shoulder. When the panel ends, he tails her to a photo booth and comes at her with a knife, trying to cut the technology out of her. She then reveals that she was lying, before kneeing Vanderspeigle in the crotch and getting away. Twelvetrees then asks him just what he's doing. He explains that when the Greys abduct someone, they leave a tracking device in them, and he can adapt the technology to repair his "radio." Dumbfounded, she asks him if they're there just so that he can cut open some poor person's arm, but before she can pursue the matter further, Peter Bach from the panel approaches and stares at Vanderspeigle in a knowing away. Vanderspeigle explains to Twelvetrees that he's after him, that he has the same genetic adaptation as Max Hawthorne that allows him to see his true form. He runs away while Twelvetrees runs interference, temporarily waylaying Bach by pretending to be an interested fangirl. Vanderspeigle then ambushes Bach and discovers that he has the technology he needs. As he cuts it out of him, Twelvetrees meets with another attendee who was at the experiencer panel. He tells her that what she said was touching, but that she should be careful, telling her, "For all you know, your alien is a Christopher Columbus of the sky." She then reunites with Vanderspeigle, who tells her that he got what he needed. He tells her not to worry, that Bach was on his knees thanking him, but a flashback reveals the truth of his words: that Bach shouted at him, calling him a monster.

Ooh Child[]

The two return home to Patience and the next day, Twelvetrees bails out D'Arcy Bloom, who had ended up in jail. She asks Bloom to tell her what happened, that she had received about a hundred texts from her saying "He's dead! He's dead!" Bloom then tells a confused Twelvetrees that she knows that she and Vanderspeigle murdered a guy and that she has a plan to spirit them both away to Alaska. Twelvetrees, still not really understanding, tells Bloom that she didn't kill anyone, that she would remember if she had. Bloom then admits that the night before, she had broken into Vanderspeigle's cabin and busted open the lock on the refrigerator. There, she saw what she thought was a dead body. Twelvetrees asks her how much she has had to drink. "Barely anything," she replies, but does admit to having had a couple of edibles and a pill she found under her couch. She accuses Twelvetrees of keeping a big secret from her, but she continues to deny it. Bloom reminds her that she has a tell - that she gets touchy and feely when she's lying. When Twelvetrees still won't open up, Bloom leaves, thanking her for bailing her out.

Twelvetrees pays a visit to Joe's Diner, where she is surprised to discover her daughter Jay working. She queries Dan, who admits to having given her a part-time job. She asks if this is such a good idea, but Dan just counters that she's friends with an alien. She then tries to connect with Jay, only to be rebuffed. Max and his friend Sahar then enter the diner. Max tells her that he knows that she knows the truth about Vanderspeigle. He and Sahar then explain that the government is after Vanderspeigle and enlist her help. Twelvetrees then reports to work at the clinic and tries to phone Vanderspeigle to warn him, but her call goes to voicemail, as Vanderspeigle is distracted with doubts about activating his device. She tells Dr. Ethan Stone that she needs to take the rest of the day off and he agrees, saying that they can hold down the fort. Before she can leave, however, she is approached by Deputy Baker, who tells her that she needs to see the foot that she found, that it may be a match for a boot she found that morning. Twelvetrees gets the foot out of the freezer and, in doing so, makes a connection. She sees a mole on the foot that's an exact match for one that she earlier saw on Vanderspeigle's foot. A flash of insight connects this with Bloom's comments and causes her to realize the truth: that it was the alien who killed the human Harry Vanderspeigle.

She rushes to Vanderspeigle's cabin and confronts him with the truth. Though he at first tries to deny it, she warns him not to lie to him and he admits to the truth. She asks him if he has any idea what he's done, reminding him of how broken up she was about Sam Hodges's death. She tells him that they are done. He tells her to wait and awkwardly sings the song "Ooh Child," claiming that "things are gonna get easier," but she doesn't buy it. When he says that she can't just leave, she tells him that he's really getting the hang of "human male bullshit" and he can't tell her what to do and what not to do. She tells him to go back to his plane, that she never wants to see him again and that they are not friends. After he leaves, he sobs in despair. He declares that he doesn't like this place anymore and activates his device, beginning a 90 minute countdown to the death of all humanity.

Stewing back at home, Twelvetrees receives a call from Max. Max tells her that he believes that Vanderspeigle is there to kill everyone and that he thinks he knows where he's going. Twelvetrees then drives them both to the government facility where Vanderspeigle's spaceship is being held. There, they discover a number of agents knocked out and Vanderspeigle in the process of launching the spaceship. Before they can act further, however, they are captured by a group of three soldiers, who then put them out front and center for Vanderspeigle to see. Dismayed, Vanderspeigle lowers the spaceship and emerges in his alien form. Twelvetrees tells Max to run and hide as Vanderspeigle blasts away the agents using a targeted form of the device's effects. He reaches Twelvetrees, who pleads with him, telling him that she knows why he's there and to not do it. He tells her he has to, that it's his mission, but she replies that she does not care. She says that he is not the same, that she knows he's changed since he killed the human Harry Vanderspeigle. She says she saw it just now, that he could have simply left, but he stayed to protect them. "No," he replies, saying that his mission is to kill everyone. "If you kill everyone, you kill me," she points out. He admits that he has changed. "There's my friend," she comments. "We are friends?" he asks wonderingly. She agrees that they're friends and he asks her if she will come with him to his planet and they can kill everyone together. "No!" she replies, aghast, saying that she's staying there. He agrees that if this the case, then he will not kill everyone. They embrace, him saying that he will miss her and she agreeing. He warns her that he has to go, or else his device will kill everyone in 80 seconds. She shouts at him to go, and he does, but not before telling her that he left some pizzas in his freezer and they're hers if she wants them. She then watches in awe and wonder as he lifts off, then teleports away, off the planet.

Quotes[]

"I can't sleep at night. I want to learn how."
"Okay, well, please stop, it's creepy."
- Harry Vanderspeigle, staring at Jay, and Asta Twelvetrees, "Secrets"

"You gave up your kid, only to stalk her until she was old enough to work for her?"
"That's pretty bad."
"I'm not gonna lie. You kept up a really big secret, and it’s gonna hurt a lot of people when it comes out."
"I couldn’t take care of her. I was just a kid myself."
"I know. You made a really difficult decision at a really young age. And I admire that about you."
- Kayla and Asta Twelvetrees, "Birds of a Feather"

"It's good to see you're still such a huge weirdo. And your talent for unleashing chaos in my life is strong as ever. But I think I'm better having known you."
"You're weird, too."
- Asta Twelvetrees and Harry Vanderspeigle, "Sexy Beast"

"Hey, Dad."
"Hell, no!"
- Asta Twelvetrees and Dan Twelvetrees upon seeing Harry Vanderspeigle as an alien, "End of the World As We Know It"

"Kinda cool that I'm here with an actual alien. I feel special."
"You are not special. You are common."
"That's oddly less offensive now that I know you're from outer space."
- Asta Tweletrees and Harry Vanderspeigle, "Welcome Aliens"

"The moon landing was a sham. It was all filmed on a soundstage by Kubrick."
"The astronauts did land on the moon."
"Good."
"And their bodies were taken over before they returned."
"What?"
- Host of "Lunar Lies" panel, Harry Vanderspeigle and Asta Twelvetrees, "Welcome Aliens"

"Something about him made me feel safe and not alone. And I know that that’s not what you all have experienced. But trust me, based on my encounter, I don’t think they’re monsters. I think some of them are here to do good."
"Nope!
- Asta Twelvetrees and Harry Vanderspeigle, thinking, "Welcome Aliens"

"My mission is to kill everyone."
"If you kill everyone, you kill me."
- Harry Vanderspeigle and Asta Twelvetrees, "Heroes of Patience"

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