End of the World As We Know It is the eighth episode of the science fiction comedy television series Resident Alien.
Harry Vanderspeigle, Asta Twelvetrees and D'Arcy Bloom have fallen through a crack in the mountain ice and are laying on the ground, far down in a crevasse. Vanderspeigle's leg is pinioned under a large block of ice. The mountain stretches on for miles around them. Everyone wakes up and Twelvetrees expresses relief at everyone being okay, but Bloom replies that there's nothing "okay" about the situation, that they've fallen into a crevasse, a death trap. Twelvetrees notices that Vanderspeigle's leg is stuck and moves towards him, but Bloom warns her to not make any sudden movements. They ask Vanderspeigle what he was doing up there and he replies that the ice caved in because they're too heavy. "Okay, we're leaving him," crabs Bloom, but then relents, saying that she can make it up to her snowmobile. She begins climbing, with Twelvetrees's encouragement, and reaches her snowmobile. However, this then collapses, causing a minor avalanche and Vanderspeigle and Twelvetrees to fall even further into the crevasse. In the process, Vanderspeigle's device falls as well. The green light goes out and at the installation in New Mexico, Vanderspeigle's spaceship once again goes cloaked and David Logan reports that they've lost the signal. Annoyed, General McCallister tells him and Lisa Casper that it's time for them to get to Colorado and find whatever was flying the spaceship.
Inside the crevasse, Twelvetrees shouts for Bloom, but gets no answer. Bloom is hanging suspended, unconscious. Twelvetrees turns to Vanderspeigle, who is bleeding glowing blue blood and whose alien form is showing through on his face. She freaks, asking just what he is. He tries to excuse it as being an allergy to "snow bees and ice hornets," but she doesn't buy it for a second. She warns him to tell her the truth and he explains that he's what her people call an "extraterrestrial." She goes queasy and he suggests it's from the fall, but she says it's because of what's happening in front of her. She shouts for Bloom and he tells her that she cannot know. She tells him that Bloom will know anyway when she sees that he has scales. He tells her that she's thinking of the Reptilians, who are trying to take over the universe by using the Earth as a lab for hybridization, though it'll never happen due to their hygiene issues. She asks why he's growing weird skin if it's not scales and he explains how he's been mimicking the human form. He tells her that because of his bleeding and his weakness, he's changing back.
Twelvetrees comments that his being an alien actually explains a lot. She asks what he was really doing up on the mountain and he explains that he's searching for his device. She asks if it's a radio to phone home and he goes with that, asking how she guessed. She tells him that humans only know aliens from movies and so there's really only two choices: either that it's a radio, or he's there to kill all humans and eat them. He replies that his species does not eat humans. He asks her to fix him, explaining that he'll bleed out if she doesn't stop it. He has her cauterize the wound, saying that his species has an exceedingly high pain threshold, though he still screams loudly when she applies the torch. The scream wakes Bloom, who shouts down to Twelvetrees. They're both revealed that they're all still alive and Bloom says that they're going to get help. Twelvetrees tells Vanderspeigle this, trying to cheer him up, saying that soon the whole mountain will be looking for them. He imagines a mob of townsfolk with torches pitchforks coming after him and tells her that the weaker he gets, the more alien he's going to become. She agrees that this could be a problem.
At the city's combination Town Hall and Sheriff's Office in Patience, Mayor Ben Hawthorne speaks with a woman, Mrs. Flaherty, demanding speed bumps on the street where she lives. He agrees to look into it, finally managing to get her out the door. Sheriff Thompson then approaches him, telling him that his problem is that he just doesn't know when to say "no." Hawthorne counters that he has a responsibility to the people of the town and Thompson says that he doesn't like to see him getting pushed around. Hawthorne says he doesn't, but Thompson points out that he has anniversary dinner picked out and that his wife chose the restaurant. He tells him that what his wife really wants is for him to take charge: that he has to pick the restaurant, pull out her chair and even order for her. Hawthorne shoots back that he may not be the best judge of what women want, that they can "ask Deputy Liv," or rather they can't, because she quit. Thompson calls it a low-brow and they do some back-and-forth, slamming doors at each other and then raising and lowering blinds. Nevertheless, Hawthorne then calls his wife Kate, telling her that there's a change of plans and they're going to an expensive restaurant called Laurent's.
Back on the mountain, Twelvetrees manages to stop the bleeding. She asks if he can turn back if she stabilizes him and he agrees that he can. She asks what happened to the real Harry Vanderspeigle and he lies, claiming that he doesn't know and that he simply took his DNA from the cabin. She asks how Harry's wife didn't know the truth and he explains that some people only see what they want to see, that she saw every part of him, but never knew. She tries to clarify if he had sex with her and he answers that it's more like she had sex with him, grossing her out. She asks what would happen if she got pregnant, but he says that there's no way, that she would have emitted a sulfuric scent and released hundreds of babies. She asks if what he said about his own wife being dead was true and he explains that his species is genderless and they have partners. He himself had 342 children, and he never worried about any of them, but now he can't stop thinking about #62, who "had his eyes". She admits that she thought worrying about just one child his complicated and he tells her to stop worrying about Jay, that she's tough. At the Sheriff's Office, Sheriff Thompson is giving a briefing to either a new deputy or another of his deputies, Jack, when Hawthorne shows up, explaining that he's there to collect some of Liv Baker's things. As he does so, Baker stands awkwardly in the mayor's office and she and Thompson have a "tell him I'm not speaking to him" conversation through Hawthorne.
In the crevasse, Vanderspeigle is starting to look more alien as his condition worsens. He asks if he's ugly to her and she says that he isn't. He tells her about Max Hawthorne being able to see through his disguise and she replies that it must have been scary. He agrees that he was worried about people believing him and Twelvetrees clarifies that she meant that it was scary for Max. She asks why he became the town doctor if he was scared of discovery, saying that he's getting more human than he cares to admit. He coughs and tells her that his breathing duct is filling with blood. He gets her to remove it, warning her to avoid the teeth. Bloom, meanwhile, records a video, saying goodbye to people in case she dies. She laments that maybe the new town motto should be "one died to not save three." As she finishes recording the video, she falls unconscious. Back down below, Vanderspeigle encourages Twelvetrees to crawl out and save herself. She tells him she's not leaving him, but he says it's survival of the fittest. She replies that he doesn't have much faith in people and he counters that she doesn't either. She admits to him that things didn't work out in life the way she planned and that now she's trying to find her way again. He asks her to try to find his "radio" and she comments that she doesn't even know his real name. He makes a series of noises and she decides it's better if they stick with "Harry." Back up above, Bloom has a flashback to the time when she was in the hospital, badly injured following her accident skiing in the Olympics. Twelvetrees came and told her that she had to get up sometime, that she hadn't driven ten hours just to watch her quit. She told her she wasn't getting and forced her to get out of bed and with her life. In the present, Bloom talks herself up, telling herself that she's not quitting now either. She declares that she's getting them out of there and gets moving, beginning the slow process of using an ice-pick to climb out of the crevasse.
Back in town, David Logan and Lisa Casper are in the cafe, Joe's Diner, and being served coffee by Dan Twelvetrees. They argue with each other, Logan saying that they're running out of time and Dan warns them not to linger because there's a storm coming. Back in their van, Logan tells Casper that they need backup, that they can't find the alien alone. He tells her that he's going to call the military, but she knocks him out, saying that he should know her better by now, that the mission is secretive and that anyone who's not on-board with it won't live very long. One of Max Hawthorne's "Have you seen this alein? [sic]" posters then blows onto their windshield. "And you said we'd never find it," quips Casper. Back in the cafe, Dan calls his daughter, but it just goes straight to voicemail. On the mountain, Twelvetrees continues the search for the "radio," but tells Vanderspeigle that she doesn't think she's going to find it, that it's buried. She offers him a blanket, but he tells her he doesn't need it, that the cold is actually helping him recover. She asks about his planet and he tells her that it's magnificent and brutal. She says that some of the native tribes talk about connections to people from the stars and he tells her that aliens have been coming for thousands of years, guiding humans. She asks if they're there to help and he says that they've always helped, that people welcomed them for thousands of years, but then something changed and humans became more fearful of them, of each other. She asks why they came this time and he says that they've been monitoring changes to their planet and things aren't good and it's why he needs his radio, so he can ask for help.
In Patience, Ben and Kate Hawthorne have their anniversary dinner. It is an awkward evening, as Ben tries to implement Sheriff Thompson's suggestions, but it's obvious he's not being himself. He orders escargot, which he hates. As the evening unfolds, Dan heads to the sheriff's office, telling Sheriff Thompson that his daughter isn't answering her calls. He quips that maybe he stood him up for somebody younger, but Dan appeals to their shared military service, that they know when to trust their feelings. Thompson agrees that he hears him and suggests that they visit The 59, that if anyone will know where she is, it's D'Arcy Bloom. Back at the restaurant, Kate asks Ben just what's going on with his behavior. He claims that he's just trying to make their anniversary special, but when she questions him further, he points out that she told him the other day that she'd like for him to challenge her. She agrees that this is true, but says that what he's doing just isn't him. She tells him they won't always agree on things, that they're different people, but they'll always be a team. As they talk, Deputy Baker is eating with her date, John, when they're approached by Sheriff Thompson and Dan, who explain the situation about Asta and Bloom being missing. John agrees to call the office to check into things and Ben approaches, asking if everything is okay. Thompson explains the situation: that two snowmobiles have been out since 3:00 and haven't come back. Hawthorne agrees to provide whatever they need from the town. Dan declares that he's not waiting around for them to be found and leaves, leading Thompson to worry that he's going to get himself killed. As Thompson leaves the restaurant, he can't help but notice Abigail Hodges entering with a very handsome man, definitely not playing the grieving widow.
Bloom makes it out of the crevasse and arrives at the remaining snowmobile, which is thankfully still functioning. She sends down a rope and Twelvetrees gets them ready to go, telling Vanderspeigle that he doesn't have a choice, that he's out time, as he vomits glowing blue blood. He says that Bloom will see he's an alien, but Twelvetrees promises him that she won't. She dresses him in a thick parka, completely obscuring his form. Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, Kate Hawthorne is in the bathroom, when she runs out of toilet paper. She asks the person in the next stall to pass her some and that person, Lisa Casper, is all too happy to assist. She thanks her, calling her a lifesaver, and introduces herself as the mayor's wife. Casper says she's new in town and doesn't know anyone, so Kate gives her number, telling her to call if she ever needs anything. Casper thanks her for the number, recognizing at as the one from Max's poster, and introduces herself as "Sarah Houston." Kate readies herself to leave, saying she'll be late for the babysitter, and Casper seizes the opportunity, asking if she has kids and getting her to talk about Max.
Bloom drives the group to the Patience Health Clinic as Twelvetrees pleads with Vanderspeigle to stay with her. She calls Dan, telling him not to ask questions, that she needs his help. She, Bloom and Vadnerspeigle arrive at the clinic and Twelvetrees shouts at Bloom to go get help. However, the second Bloom enters the clinic, she takes off, leaving Twelvetrees, exiting the clinic with Ellen, to wonder "What the hell?!" Dan wanders the halls of Joe's Diner, wondering where his daughter Asta is, when he sees the glowing blue blood. He opens a door, to find Asta and Vanderspeigle, now showing as fully alien. "Hey, Dad," she greets him nervously. "Hell, no!" he shouts, backing away and slamming the door. Asta goes out and he asks what she's doing with "that thing." She tells him to just say it and he asks why there's an alien in his freezer. She explains that the cold slows the bleeding and that he's not just any alien, but someone they know. Dan guesses that he's Ben Hawthorne, saying he always knew the mayor was one, but Asta explains that it's Vanderspeigle. "And you wanted me to get a yearly checkup from that thing," retorts Dan. She tells him that Vanderspeigle will die if she doesn't do something. He asks if they can really trust him and Asta tells him that she believes in him. He says he doesn't like it, but agrees to help, though he tells Asta to move him away from the fish. He heads off for a moment to placate Sheriff Thompson, telling him that everything is alright, that they made it off the mountain. Thompson radios for the search to stand down and leaves. Twelvetrees asks Vanderspeigle how she can help him, but thinking that without his device it's over, he tells her to just let him die. She shows him that he found his "radio" and he explains that his leg is poisoning him. He tells her it has to be chopped off, or it won't survive. "We need to do what?!" wonders Dan, but Asta just tells him to grab the meat cleaver. She takes it in hand, telling Vanderspeigle everything will be alright, only to find that she can't do it. "I can," declares Dan, taking the cleaver. He raises it and Vanderspeigle admits to being afraid. Asta takes his hand, telling him she's right there and won't let him die. He thinks to himself that he believes her, that nobody's dying today, but now that he has his device, how about tomorrow? Dan lowers the cleaver and Vanderspeigle cries out in agony.
Cast and characters
Special guest star:
- Asta Twelvetrees and Dan Twelvetrees upon seeing Harry Vanderspeigle as an alien
"No one's dying today, but now I have my device, so how about tomorrow? All eight billion of them."
- Harry Vanderspeigle
- on the Internet Movie Database
- Transcript @ TV Show Transcripts
- Transcript @ Scraps from the Loft
- Transcript @ Forever Dreaming