The Itsy Bitsy Spider
Harry Vanderspeigle reflects that being alien is easier than being human, as they have evolved past having emotions. They therefore don't have to deal with seasonal depression or road rage, not they have any roads. He says that he now not only has alien emotions, but memories, and wonders if there is a point where he becomes more human than alien. He is shown driving in a car, Max shouting that he wants to go home. He tells him he's not turning around, that he should have thought about it. He tells him that he can sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider," that he's the spider and itsy-bitsy. Max pulls at his seatbelt, saying he's getting out, and Harry tells him to go ahead, that his lungs will explode. Max grabs the steering wheel and the scene cuts. They are not in a car at all, but in Harry's spaceship. They float out of control, screaming. A woman shines a flashlight on Harry's head, saying that he's suffered significant head trauma. She asks if he has any memory loss, saying that he was found walking down the road naked. "Do you remember anything?" she asks. "Do you know who you are?" He replies that he's an alien, there to kill everyone.
At Joe's Diner, Asta tells her adoptive father, Dan, that the military has Max. He says she doesn't know that, but she replies that she looked everywhere and couldn't find him. She asks what she's going to tell his parents and he suggests "Your kid is gone. There was an alien involved." He tells her she can't run from it and he'll be with her. "Thanks for coming with me," she says, but he replies that he can't go, that he has to cook eggs. She pays a visit to the Hawthorne residence, only to discover Max there making pancakes with his father, Ben. She plays it cool, saying that she heard there was a break-in the night before. While Ben and his wife Kate are distracted, however, Max offers to walk Asta out. He then tells Asta to meet him at the baseball field in twenty minutes.
Sheriff Mike Thompson and Deputy Liv Baker pay a visit to Harry's cabin. Liv compares the broken doorknob she gathered as evidence, saying that it's a match. Sheriff Mike breaks down the situation and Liv suggests a scenario, one which uncannily matches what actually happened with the alien Harry killing the real Harry. Liv wonders if they should confront Harry, but Mike says that they need to do a deep dive first and find out what makes him tick. At the baseball field, Max explains to Asta that he blacked out after the crash. "Watch this," he says, running up atop some dirt and appearing to float in mid-air. He explains that the ship is invisible, asking where she thinks Harry went. "Not home," she comments, saying she thought she was done with all of it and she doesn't know where he is. She says they have to find him and takes off, telling Max not to let anyone near the ship.
At the hospital, Harry draws on a whiteboard, talking about the relative position of his planet to Earth. A young girl passes by carrying an octopus plush toy and he grabs it, shouting that he will save his cousin. He rips out, shouting that the girl is a bastard for stuffing the octopus. As they try to contain him, he rushes off, shouting that he's a superior being and they sedate him. At the clinic, as Asta searches missing persons records, Nurse Ellen tells her that Dr. Ethan is late. Asta says she's sure he'll be there soon and Ellen comments that Ethan hooked up with D'Arcy, asking if she's jealous. Asta tells her she's busy, that she can do without the gossip. "Then I guess you don't want to know about D'Arcy crashing Jimmy's truck" comments Ellen. This gets Asta's attention, and Ellen explains that D'Arcy and Jay cut Jimmy's brakes. Asta then takes a call from a woman named Cindy at Braddock, who says they had a guy come in matching her description. Asta breathes a sigh of relief, asking if he's okay. "He's had a head injury. Thinks he's an alien," comments Cindy. Asta promises to be right there.
Humans and memory
Sedated at the hospital, Harry narrates that for humans, memory is a big part of who they are and if a human's brain is damaged and memory is affected, so is their memory of self. He flashes back to watching reruns of Law and Order. He wakes up and Asta gets up off a chair. He asks where he is and Asta tells him he hit his head and she's glad he's okay. He replies that he's glad she's there. "I think Joanie got you. You're lucky to be alive." "Harry, are you okay? she asks. He asks who Harry is, saying that he's detective Lennie Briscoe. "Who's Lennie Briscoe?" wonders Asta, taping the name into a smartphone search. She returns the info on Law and Order. "Wait? Who do you think I am?" she wonders. "You're my informant, Cosette, the hooker," he tells her. "and from the look of you, you've been working all night."
Mayor Ben Hawthorne walks through the street, sporting a pair of sunglasses and a swagger. He happily greets the townsfolk, getting their compliments on fighting off the intruders from the night before. Meanwhile, Sheriff Mike arrives to find Liv in his office. He asks her about it and she tells him that she was just on the phone with the sheriff's department of another county who found Harry's truck in an abandoned warehouse. He asks her to have them pick it up and make a note about it. He has two coffees and she thanks him for the one, but he says they're both for him. She giggles, but he puts his hand on it, clearly serious. She asks if everything's okay and he says it's fine, that they have a lot of work to do. Mayor Ben arrives in the office and is applauded, but he says he's no hero and to stop clapping. They do. "That was quick," he comments. He finds his "Welcome to Patience" sign in pieces in his office and asks Mike and Liv about it. Liv explains about Jimmy's emergency brake failing and Mike says that he told the crew to file it under "your problem, not mine." Ben takes off his sunglasses, asking if they're going to have a problem, and puts his boot up on his desk. Mike asks what the deal is with the cowboy boot and threatens to Sharpie it. Ben puts the sunglasses back on and leaves.
At the park, Max stops a couple of teens, telling them the field is closed. "No, it's not," replies one, and Sahar pulls up and sounds an airhorn. She tells them that the field is indeed closed, that there's an underground sewage leak. He says it doesn't look like there's a sewage leak and she replies that it looks like he doesn't understand what "underground" means. She chases him away, describing scary symptoms of an infection he could supposedly get. The two teens walk away an Max asks if what she's saying is true. "No, I made it up," she admits, saying that she's going to be the first person on Mars. "Now, where is it?" she asks, running into the spaceship. At the Braddock Hospital, a doctor tells Asta that Harry needs rest and will likely regain his memory soon. At the Hawthornes, Kate cleans off the blood of David Logan and Lisa Casper. She topples a vase of flowers and calls for Max, but gets no answer. At the park, Sahar tests Max's temperature, saying she's his guinea pig for the effects of spaceflight on the human body. Just then, Ben comes up, saying that he can't just leave the house and that Kate is worried sick. He tells him he has to go, even as a newspaper flaps up against the invisible spaceship. Sahar decides to come with, and just then, a baseball team enters the dugout at the edge of the field.
It is not long before a full game is underway, with D'Arcy as one of the players and Judy Cooper there teasing her. Meanwhile, Ben and Kate are at the police station, giving descriptions of David Logan and Lisa Casper to Liv. They admit, however, that they weren't paying attention to their faces and didn't get a good look. They end up basically making out, leaving Liv with little to go on. Meanwhile, with the two distracted, Max uses Ben's mayoral phone to place a call, with Sahar serving as lookout. He and Sahar warn Asta that they've been pulled from the park and there's a baseball game that night. Asta promises to be there as soon as she can. She tracks down Harry, who still thinks that Asta is Cosette. He tells her that if she's going to be his CI, it's time for her to "cough up some cheese." She tells him there's been a murder. "Now you are speaking my language," he tells her. She takes him to the Japanese restaurant with the octopus. He asks her to tell him about "Harry Benderspendle." She says he was a friend. "You were schtuping him," he comments. She replies that he was annoying, that he thought he knew everything and kind of did, but also didn't know anything. She says she once came there a lot with Harry, asking if the noodles remind him of anything. He keeps babbling about Law and Order and she shouts that he's not a detective, asking him to please try and remember that he's an alien. "Cosette, I see you're back on the smack" he comments.
Just then, the octopus starts talking, shouting at him to help him out. "Who said that?" wonders Asta. Harry gets up and goes to the octopus, who asks if the stupid suit made his ears stop working. Harry asks if he knows him. "What is going on in your brain?!" wonders the octopus, saying he'll clean it up for him. He extends a tentacle and Harry faints. Asta rushes over, asking what he's doing. "Asta!" shouts Harry and Asta hugs him, realizing he's back. "Oh my God?" "God gets the credit?" wonders the octopus. "Is that?" asks Asta and the octopus introduces himself, calling her an idiot. He explains that he doesn't normally talk to humans, but his friend needs his help. "My ship!" realizes Harry and races off. The octopus shouts to break him out, that he's Monday's chef's special. Harry arrives at the ball-field, watching the game. He looks in the direction of his spaceship and inserts himself into the game, catching a ball that would otherwise have impacted his spaceship. He tosses the ball, saying the game is over. "All the players go home." D'Arcy shouts out him to get off the field and an official pulls him away. Asta then pulls out some of the lights. "I could have done that," comments Harry.
A spaceship of metal balls
With the game suspended, Harry examines his spaceship. He says that it's damaged, revealing it to Asta. At Sheriff Mike's office, Mike receives a visit from this father, Lewis. He asks what he's doing there, that he had said he would just eat there tonight, but Lewis tells him he doesn't need to eat alone. He says he knows what today is. Mike tells him it's just a regular day, but Lewis pulls out a bottle. "Buy him a coffee this morning?" he asks. He admits that he did and Lewis says it's the closest thing anyone gets to a show of affection from him. "He died six years ago. Can't run away from it forever," he says. "Thanks, Dad," says Mike. Back at the field, Harry enters his spaceship and prepares to take off. "Goodbye, Asta," he says. The doors close, but he just as quickly opens them back up, saying that it won't fly. He says he can fix it, and the doors close again. Around the town of Patience, the lights flicker like crazy. Mike calls dispatch, asking if they have any info, even as everyone else carries on with their lives, including some kinky sex play between Ben and Kate. Harry emerges from the spaceship, and Asta tells him that he's running out of time and can't fix it. She says he has to do something, that if someone sees it, things will get worse for him. He tells her to stand back. He waves his arms and the spaceship seems to melt away. What is left are four metal balls and a case. He tells her it's a survival kit.
Harry narrates that when he arrived on Earth, things were simple. It took him two weeks to get to Patience and, on the way, he met a dog who taught him the rules about survival on Earth. He states that humans do not look forward, but have memories that force them to look backwards. He says that the alien only failed his mission once, but the human has relived it a thousand times and that humans must like pain. He sits in Joe's Diner, enjoying pie and coffee and Dan takes a seat next to him. "So you're an alien," he comments. Harry agrees that this is true, noting that Dan is a Native American. Dan tells Harry to call him "Dan" and in response, Harry offers his alien nickname, but Dan replies that he'll stick with "Harry." Harry returns to his cabin to find Max's bike and helmet. He tosses the bike inside and kicks the helmet away. He finds Max inside eating cereal and asks what he's doing there. Max hugs him, expressing delight at his being alive. Harry shoves him away, saying that he doesn't consent. Max tells him he's glad he's okay. Harry hands him some money, telling him to buy a trampoline, then take it to the ceiling fan store and trampoline into one of the ceiling fans. Max asks why he's being mean and he says he's the reason he's stuck there. He asks if he wants to see what his spaceship looks like, showing him the metal balls. He says he had the coolest trip in town and now he has a box of alien balls because of Max. Max says he can pretend he doesn't like him, but he knows he does, that he saved his life. Harry insists he didn't, but Max says he's like his dad. "You take that back!" shouts Harry. He then says that if Max wants to be his father, he'll be his father, grabbing him and spanking his butt. "This hurts me as much as it hurts you," he tells him. Max tells him he can't take back what happened, that he saved him because he liked him. Harry calls him a jerk. "I know you are, but what I am," Max says repeatedly, driving Harry nuts. Harry walks off, saying Max had better be gone when he comes back. He narrates that memories define who humans are and if they become too painful or reveal a side they don't like, their brains tuck them away. He says he's happy he's not human.
Outside the Patience Health Clinic, Asta prepares to get in her car when D'Arcy rides up on a tandem bike. Asta comments that it must be summer if she's bringing out the beast. They hug, then go for a ride, enjoying the countryside. They talk, and Asta comments that Ethan hasn't been in for two days and she's had to cover everything. "Who is that?" quips D'Arcy. "You hooked up with him and thought I didn't know," comments Asta. D'Arcy says that they both know each other's secrets. Asta looks worried, clearly thinking of Harry, but D'Arcy says "Jay told me." Secretly relieved, Asta apologizes for not telling her about Jay. D'Arcy says she should have known. Asta says they have a lot in common, mentioning their shenanigans with Jimmy. They discuss old school times and D'Arcy says that sometimes you have to slay a monster for your best friend.
Asta drives up to Harry's cabin. She sees Harry floating in the water and rushes up to him, panicked. She grabs him, and he demands to know what he's doing. She says he was drowning and he tells her he was thinking. He reveals gills, to Asta's shock. He tells her that "lungers" are very judgmental. She says he might have a concussion and wanted to make sure he was okay. He explains that his species started as water beings. She says that this explains the weird talking octopus. He tells her that all octopuses can talk, they just don't normally talk to humans. He says that "#42" only talked to her because she is with him. She asks if the octopus's name is #42. "On the menu," he explains. "Octopus in black bean sauce. #42. And you wonder why they aren't speaking to humans." He continues that octopuses are descendants of his people. He says that he misses his people and should not be there. He says his family is very far away. She tells him that on Earth, you don't have to be related to be family, or even like them at all. He asks how this makes them family and she tells him that family is just the people in your life that you love, that you'd do anything for. She tells him that it's hard to be stuck somewhere. "Like you were with Jimmy," he agrees. She says she tries not to think about it, but it helps to surround yourself with nature and people you care about. He narrates that human memory is powerful, that it contains more than just knowledge, but feelings of that moment.
At Joe's Diner, Sheriff Mike shares a coffee with Liv. He hands a file, saying they should get to work. The file is a driving record for Harry. Harry continues that experiences can take you back to an event in your memories days or weeks afterwards. In his room at home, Max takes off his shirt, only to find hair on his chest. He screams. Kate tells him she's coming, but he puts back on his shirt in a hurry. She asks if he's okay and he tells her he thought he saw a mouse. Ben comes in, asking if everything is okay. He is wearing a cowboy hat, and Max asks why he's wearing it. "Just playing a little dress-up," he claims. They leave and Max raises his shirt and stares at the hair. Harry continues narrating that memories can connect people and remind them of better times. D'Arcy pays a visit to Ethan's house. She calls out for him, but gets no answer. She enters, asking if he's there, and saying she heard he blew off work. As she continues to look around, David Logan is shown around a corner, holding a pistol. She comes within inches of him, but does not turn the corner. She leaves and Logan lets out a sigh of relief.
Harry returns to the Chinese restaurant. The octopus tells him it's time he came back. He says the chef there is a sicko and he swears that last night he fed him octopus. Harry asks him if they're family and the octopus agrees that they are. "Not like 'I'll help you move family', but more like, um, 'I'll see you at the reunion and say "Wow, you got fat," family'" Harry tells him he's afraid he is becoming too human and that he needs family to remind him who he is. The octopus tells him to break him out, saying they could be roomies. He tells him he has to do it quick, that his people will be there soon. Harry asks what he means. The octopus tells him that it's pretty obvious that since he didn't complete his mission, they'll just send someone else to kill everyone for him. "Including Asta?" wonders Harry. The octopus agrees that Asta is a human, so yes. "This cannot happen," declares Harry. He thinks to himself that he should not care about saving Asta because she is human. "But what am I?" he wonders. He is next shown racing out of the restaurant, octopus in hand. "Run, you elegant bastard, run!" the octopus tells him.
Cast and characters
- Meredith Garretson as Kate Hawthorne
- Gary Farmer as Dan Twelvetrees
- Alex Barima as David Logan
- Gracelyn Awad Rinke as Sahar
- Jenna Lamia as Judy Cooper
- Diana Bang as Nurse Ellen
- Justin Rain
- Kaylayla Raine as Jay
- Rosie Pidcock as Cindy
- Sandy Minh Abley as Woman Sweeping
- Dave Santana as Mr. Souza
- Dan Yang as Guy Passing
- Lossen Chambers as Doctor Bishop
- Coulton Jackson as Right Fielder
- Alvin Sanders as Lewis Thompson
- Julian Nelson as Lanky Stoner
- Michael Roselli as Orderly
- Terry Streete as Male Nurse
- Kevin Mundy as Patience 1st Base Coach
- Kate Whiddington as Six-Year-Old Girl
- The file that Sheriff Mike hands to Deputy Liv gives Harry's last name as "Vanderspiegel." However, the character's name has been consistently spelled in publicity material for the series as "Vanderspeigle."
- Beginning with this episode, Elizabeth Bowen is credited as starring cast for her role as Deputy Liv Baker after being credited as a guest star in the first season.
- on the Internet Movie Database
- Syfy - Watch the First Five Minutes of Syfy's 'Resident Alien' Ahead of the Season 2 Premiere
- Transcript @ TV Show Transcripts
- Transcript @ Forever Dreaming